Just A Friend
by asdfghjklb
Summary: Damon Salvatore enlists former friend Elena Gilbert to help him discover who the identity is of the mystery girl he met at his party. However, as Elena agrees to help him, she's secretly doing everything she can to keep him away from the truth. AU/AH
1. All they say is how you've changed

_**And suddenly, you've done it all  
You won me over in no time at all  
-Angels And Airwaves **_

_**Elena POV**_

There once was a time where I clung to the fact of knowing my future was going mean something. My mother told me that every breath we take, every move we make; matters. Every second of every day was leading up to one moment; one moment that defines us. Whether the moment breaks us and we go to our grave with overbearing regrets of what could have been or a moment that is all sense of the word magical. And in that one moment we know that everything is right. All our tears and our pain were worth it; life was worth it.

My mother told me this because she knew that days where the world felt suffocating I had to remember it was worth it. Walking down these hallways, putting a happy face on was one day going to be in the past and I was going to look back on it as the clay that formed the person that I turned out to be.

Somewhere along the way I found myself doubting my mother's words. As I stared down the long hallway filled with students waiting for their moments, I tried to find it in myself to remember that I was one of them. I was going to have a moment too, no matter how unrealistic it may feel.

I made my way through the crowded school hallways, making brief eye contact with some people but never long enough to be counted as friendly. The fake smiles and the "I'm okay's" were meaningless to most now. After awhile they didn't care anyway. The sympathetic gazes stopped long ago when it was clear that my tight smile was screaming at them all to stop. I didn't want their pity. In fact, sometimes I wanted them all to just go away. Every face I saw, every move I made, every word spoken and place I went were just constant reminders that things will never be the same.

I knocked lightly on the classroom door to Mr. Saltzman room, waiting for a response. It was only his first week teaching here and I could tell by the strained look on his face that it was stressful.

"Oh Elena, come in!" He stood up from his desk when noticing me, motioning for me to enter.

"You wanted to speak with me?" I sat in a chair across from his desk, waiting for an explanation.

"Yes," He said with a smile while sitting back down. "It's about Jeremy." The mentioning of my brother made me stiffen as I imagined all the things he could've done for me to be sitting here.

"First off, I just wanted to say, I am so sorry about your parents."

Three months ago my world stop turning. All it took was just one distraction before the car holding my parent's and I drifted off the bridge into the Mystic Falls River. I can still hear their screams.

"Thank you," I muttered. He was new.

He stared at me for a few seconds, as if taking my whole demander in, before continuing. "I understand how unimportant school work must seem right now. Fortunately for you, you seem to put a lot of effort into it lately but I can't say the same for your brother."

"Is he failing?"

"Yes, and I don't see how he can raise his grade enough to pass this class for the semester." I sighed while trying to think this through. This is not what he needed right now. "Considering the circumstances I'm willing to let Jeremy write a history report for extra credit and if he gets an A, I'll be able to pass him."

"Did you already talk to him about it?"

"Yes, but he seemed to blow me off. I thought maybe you could help push him a little. I looked through his past grades and it seems all he needs to do is put effort into it. He's really a bright student."

"He'll write the report. I'll make sure of it." I stood up, thanking him while exiting the room, making my way through the building. When passing the hallway I knew my brother's locker was at, I searched for him through the crowd of people but came back empty.

I then took all the people in, going about their day.

I hated them all, for no reason but the fact that I was jealous of them. It was a superficial hate, really. A hate that I knew deep down didn't really exist

It was just that I'd give anything to have my biggest problem being whether or not the next football game will be cancelled from the rain and if I'll get to cheer. I just wanted to smack some common sense into the people that complained and whined over the silliest things and show them how good they have it.

"God, he's so hot!" The girl a few lockers down from me caught my attention when she squealed to her friend. I followed her gaze and only rolled my eyes when I saw him walking our way. Damon Salvatore has always caught the attention of anyone in the room. When he walked down the hallways he made girls do a double take and guys rage with jealously when their girlfriends suddenly weren't paying attention to them anymore. If there was any one person I hated most; it was him. Former childhood best friend turned asshole the moment he reached high school. He grew a foot, put on a few pounds of muscle and suddenly everything changed. It was like he just forgot about me.

We met when his parents bought the house next to mine. He was a year older than me and his brother was around my age. One day we just all hung out and never stopped. That is until I reached my last year of middle school. He hasn't uttered a single word to me since. Even though we ran in the same crowds once upon a time it was like I was a remembrance of his past that he didn't want. His looks and popularity went to his head. I was the only girl in Mystic Falls who didn't think he walked on water.

"Elena! Elena!" I saw a hand wave in front of my face and heard a high voice snap me out of my thoughts. "I know he's easy to daydream about but you're in my way."

The snappy voice of one of my best friends, Caroline, tore my gaze away from Damon. Things have been rocky between us since my parent's death. She took my distancing form the world personal and never really understood. She was still desperately waiting for the old Elena who would do keg stands and flirt with the entire male student body to come back.

"Sorry," I moved out of the way and watched her open her locker. She flipped her blonde locks over her shoulder and glanced at me.

"So, Elena, are you ever going to come back to us?" She said with curiosity that she must believe was harmless.

"What are you talking about?"

"The cheerleading squad, you know since I'm captain now I can always find a place for you again. Obviously you're not as in shape anymore so you'd have to work really hard."

"I thought the new girl Katherine took my place?" I said with as much effort as I could. I would never say the things I was thinking to her face. Those thoughts will just have to remain written in my journal.

"She's not as cheerful as you may think. Besides, former captain, you've worked hard for this since you were in middle school. I'd hate for you to throw it all away for no reason."

No reason.

"I think I'm going to pass this year. Thanks though," I added with a smile that I knew didn't come off as genuine as it used to be. I knew she came from a good place but she didn't know what she was talking about.

"Well, I'm sure one day you'll be begging to come back; especially when you see how awesome we are getting."

When the final bell of the day finally rang, I was, to say the least, relieved. I walked through the courtyard heading towards my car, unconsciously listening to the chatter around me. Everyone talked about some huge party that what seemed like the whole school was going to, except for me of course.

"There you are!" I heard Jeremy exclaim, standing by my car. "I've been waiting for ten minutes!"

"Sorry, I've been talking with your teacher," I said while unlocking the door and getting in.

"What do you mean you've been talking to my teacher? Which one? What about?" He asked frantically while shutting the car door.

"Mr. Saltzman."

"Oh," he mumbled, already knowing what it was about.

"You're failing history? That used to be your favorite subject."

"Your point is?"

"My point is that this is not you. How long is it going to take before you realize that these second chances aren't given out on a regular basis? Mom and dad wanted-"

"Don't you dare go there!" He yelled, cutting me off.

"No, I am not going to be like everyone else and coddle you. Obviously that is not working by the way you're acting out."

"I'm not acting out!"

"Jeremy you reek of pot, you wake up hungover and now your grades are slipping. You are going to stay home and write that report tonight."

"What? No, there's this party tonight and I'm going."

"There's always going to be a party! This is important and you are not going anywhere."

After a few minutes of awkward silence he finally spat out "What makes you think you can do this?"

"I care about you. I want better for you."

"You just want me to be as anti-social as you," he accused, adding a few digs in there.

"Yea, that's exactly what I want," I said sarcastically as I pulled into our driveway.

"Apparently!" He yelled while slamming the car door .I followed him into the house, doing my best to block him out. I always knew the hurtful words came out whenever he was pushed. "Why don't you stop being such a hypocrite. If you think mom and dad would have been disappointed in me, why don't you take a look in the mirror!"

"Jeremy, I cannot do this right now."

"Why? Are you mad I'm making you face the truth? It's true, you know mom loved to watch you cheer at the football games, how badly she wanted you to follow in her footsteps and become Miss Mystic Falls. Do you think they'd be happy to see how you just seemed to stop caring about everything?"

"Screw you, Jeremy." I whispered while heading up the stairs leaving him behind. I should have known that this was the last thing I should've brought up. I didn't want to fight like this anymore. It was becoming too much to bear lately.

I tossed my backpack onto the floor and flopped down on my bed. Eying the pamphlet on my side table, I picked it up and looked over the information for the beauty pageant. Maybe this was something I needed to think about.

Thinking about it for a moment, I shook my head as I threw it into the trash bin on the other side of the room.

"There, I thought about it," I said to myself, feeling a little more yet less guilty about it.

I only had my eyes closed for a few seconds before I heard yelling again. At first I immediately thought it was Jeremy, ready for round two, but instead it was a female's voice coming in through my window.

I went over to the window to see Damon getting yelled at in his bedroom by someone I couldn't see. I realized I was eavesdropping but listening to someone else's issues was somehow therapeutic.

"I don't care what you say! I know the truth. I should have known better!"

"For the last time, I didn't cheat on you." His words weren't filled with anger or desperation to set the truth right. In fact, he seemed bored with the situation. "You're delusional, Rose."

Rose: Damon's girlfriend… for the week. I guess she came to her senses and wasn't as stupid as I originally thought. I could see what Damon saw in her, she was very pretty. But he thought a lot of girls were pretty.

"The problem is I don't believe you! I see the way you look at all those other girls! I am done. We are over." I always loved it when a girl showed they knew their self-worth.

She stormed out of the room before another word could be spoken. It didn't look like Damon was going to chase after her so I knew the show was over. I went to close the window but before I had it completely closed Damon turned and caught my eye. It was like everything stopped for a moment as we held each others gaze before I snapped back into reality.

A moment later the window was shut and the brief almost nonexistent eye contact we had was over.

I went back to bed, throwing myself on it. I now had a pounding headache that didn't seem to be going away anytime soon. I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling the day take its toll on me.

* * *

I could tell as I opened my eyes that I wasn't out for long but long enough because it was now dark out. The house was slightly shaking and I sat up in alarm. My heart started to calm down when I realized it was only a loud bass that had the house rattling.

Running to my window, I looked out to see the party everyone was talking about was going on next door. It looked like my whole school was there. _I swear if anyone pukes on my lawn…_

Jeremy.

Forgetting about the party, I rushed out of the room and down the hall towards Jeremy's room. I knocked on the door a few times with no answer before I went in. I found his light on near his computer but he was nowhere to be found.

I checked the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, even the basement but I knew the moment I saw the party was next door where he was. Putting on my shoes, I marched out the door heading towards the Salvatore's. I walked past the beer bottles and plastic cups that wandered onto my yard, which on any other occasion would've driven me crazy.

I walked straight into the house. There were already too many people here to bother with a doorbell. I saw a few people's eyes bug out at the sight of me as I pushed through the crowd.

"Jeremy!" I called over the loud music. I headed towards the stairs so I could get a better view from a higher angle.

"Elena?" I heard Caroline gasp before I saw her come down the stairs. "What are you doing here?"

"Have you seen Jeremy?"

"Actually yea, I just saw him in the kitchen."

"Thank you!" I went to rush past her but she caught my arm.

"Wait, why don't you come have a drink with a few of us? Like old times." The look in her eyes made me pause. They were so pleading. Some days I believed she took my distancing from the outside world as personal. I never wanted that.

"One drink," I agreed, "but then I have to find Jeremy."

She grinned while grabbing my hand and dragging me over to a table filled with red plastic cups.

"Here." She handed me a drink and looked at me expectantly. "Try it. It's my concoction."

"Is it spiked lemonade?" I asked after taking a sip of the fruity drink..

After blinking a few times, she mumbled "sure", making me a bit nervous as to what I was drinking.

"So,' she started off with an accusing look. "I signed up for the Miss Mystic Falls beauty pageant today."

"That's nice," I took a long swig of the drink, trying to avoid her gaze. I already knew where this was going.

"And guess whose name was not on the list?"

"Who?" I asked just to humor her.

"Elena let's not play stupid. Why haven't you signed up?"

"I haven't gone to a founding family event since my parents… maybe I'm just scared it will be a disaster." The thought of my parents made a familiar lump in my throat appear and I desperately tried to focus on anything unrelated to the subject.

"It won't be a disaster. I will there for you. Bonnie will be there for you too. That's what friends are for. We both know how bad your mother wanted you-"

"Please don't. I can't, not right now. Can you just help me find Jeremy?" I quickly finished the drink off and set the cup down on the table while starting to search the room for my brother.

"Sure," she mumbled, immediately shutting down. "Is that him going up the stairs with Vickie?"

"Jeremy!" I called, pushing through people as I went for the stairs.

"Elena?" He gasped when seeing me. "What are you doing here?"

"That's what I should be asking you!"

"I'm hanging with friends. I told you I was coming."

"We are leaving now!"

"No way, I practically just got here." He turned from me and continued to go up the stairs with Vickie in hand.

"Jeremy!" I yelled after him while following up the stairs and through the hallway. "Do you really want to do this here, of all places?"

"Do what?" He screamed turning around which made a few people in the hallway go silent. "Fight with you? Tell you to back off and leave me alone?"

"I just want what's best for you!"

"Stop acting like you have any say what goes on in my life! You are not mom and dad. They're dead and I'm not going to pretend otherwise." I flinched at his words and took a step back in shock. Speechless, I stared back at him, wondering how we ever got to this place. His words seemed to surprise himself when his anger faded for a moment.

I didn't have any time to register what was happening before I heard someone open a door and thin yet strong arms were shoving me through it.

"What the hell?" I screamed as Vickie slammed the door closed before me. I heard a ruckus behind the door and when I went to open it, the door wouldn't budge. I remembered as a kid that these had deadbolts on the outside of them and the panic began to set in.

"Let me out!" I yelled over and over again while banging on the door.

"Now that that's taken care of…" I heard Vickie say and a few laughs ensued.

I continued to beat against the door, hoping to catch the attention of someone new passing by. I doubted anyone who witnessed what happened didn't really want to mess with family issues.

I banged on the door for few seconds before tiring out and collapsing against it. All the stress, the memories and constant pain started to take its toll. Only a few sobs escaped before true anger set in.

"What kind of door has locks on the outside?" I asked to no one

"It's an old house, what do you expect?" A shriek escaped before I had any control when realizing I was not alone in the dark room.

"Whose there?" I asked into the darkness when silence followed I got up onto my feet and started to feel my way around. "Can you turn a light on?"

"Nope," I heard the male voice again coming about ten feet away from where I was standing.

"Any why not?" I snapped. I wasn't in the mood for this.

"Too many lights are on in the house. The breaker went out in here. I was going to fix it but I just had to take advantage of an empty room for a moment."

"Why would you be fixing it?"

"It's kind of logical because it's my house."

"Stefan?"

"Guess again." Oh god. I went back to the door and started banging on it again. I was not going to be stuck in a room with Damon Salvatore. "Help! Someone get me out of here!"

"Don't you think if they didn't come the first time they wouldn't come now?"

"How can you be so calm? We are locked in here."

"Someone will come and find me eventually. I'm too important to go missing for long." I groaned in disgust as I went back to trying to catch someone's attention. After a few minutes I stopped and by the silence I assumed he was amused. "Giving up so soon?"

"Do you have a phone or something?"

"Yes." Thank God. "But not with me."

"Listen, I'm glad you have all the time in the world to just sit around and be calm I need to get out of here."

"Why? Today's you're lucky day. Do you know how many girls would kill to be locked in a room with me?"

"Well I'm not one of them. To be quite honest you disgust me."

"Watch what you say. Do you know who I am? I could ruin you at this school."

"Sorry. It's the alcohol. I say thing without thinking." After a long moment of silence I changed my mind. "Actually no, I take that back. I'm not sorry. I'm so tired of pretending and keeping myself in check. You're an asshole. If you want to ruin me then go ahead, I dare you. All you'll be doing is proving me right about how much of a dick you are!"

"What did I ever do to you?" He asked and I gave a humorless chuckle.

"I've heard stories about you. I know how you treat women. It's wrong. One day when you finally grow up you're going to look back and realize that this is not okay. What you do and say is not okay." I was taking everything that has been stressing me out on him and to be honest it felt good. For years I've wanted to say this stuff to him. "You only think of yourself."

The silence after my words continued and I worried if maybe I went a little overboard.

"No ones ever said that to me."

"Well maybe it's about time someone did."

"What makes you think you're better than me?"

"I never said that," I sighed and sat back down against the door. It was probably a mistake to start a fight with someone I was stuck in a room with. "I'm far from perfect. All I've been doing is making mistakes lately." My thoughts drifted towards Jeremy. I wasn't helping anything, in fact, I was pushing him away. He's all I have left and I'm losing him.

A few minutes went by before one of us spoke again. "Have you ever thought that everything you've done, everything you're doing is pointless? That you have no control over your life?" I whispered into the darkness.

"Everyday."

"I just want things to go back to normal. I'm tired of being so…heartbroken."

"Did some asshole rip your heart out?" He asked, and surprisingly I found genuine concern in his voice.

"No," I whispered, "but I stopped putting effort into life a long time ago. I feel pretty heartless right about now."

"I get it; I get how things that were important suddenly just stop mattering."

"You do?" For the life of me I couldn't figure out where this was coming from.

"Somehow popularity, women, and all the booze in the world can't replace a part of you that's missing; the part that's dying inside you."

"Why are you up here all alone?" Maybe he got life a little more than I had predicted; maybe he got me a little more than I predicted.

"These parties can get a little suffocating at times."

"It's about all those people talking about you and rose, isn't it?"

"It would be nice to just have one person in this world that trusted me for more than five seconds. Someone who actually believed in me."

"Damon…" I asked after a moment of silence. "Are you lonely?" He didn't dare to respond and I feared maybe I pushed him too far. He was desperate for someone to just listen to him for a few moments. I understood. "It's okay to admit it. I've been drowning in it."

"What do you mean?" His voice had gotten closer but I still couldn't pin point exactly where in the dark room he was.

"I'm pushing away the last people I have left and I don't know how to stop. I'm trying but… one of them locked me in here with you. Clearly it's not working." I laughed a little while wiping the stray tears that fell over. "I know what it's like for suddenly the loneliness to become so overwhelming that it feels like you're suffocating and anyone in the world who once understood everything you were about, looks at you like you're a stranger. And suddenly nothing matters anymore."

"What happened to you?"

"I lost everything I cared about and I have no one to blame but myself," I choked on the last words, never being so honest in my life before. "What about you?"

"I let myself think it was okay to not be happy anymore."

"We both seem pretty messed up."

"Who are you anyways?"

"You don't recognize my voice?" I asked in shock.

"No, should I?"

"I guess not. You haven't spoken to me in-"

"Are you the new girl?" He cut me of before I could finish.

"No."

"Too bad, she's hot."

"Of course you would say that."

"Who are you?" He asked again and I couldn't help but love having the upper hand.

"You don't really know me." It was the closest thing to the truth. He stopped knowing me years ago. "We aren't friends."

"Well I'd hope not. It would suck if one of my friends thought I was that shitty of a person."

"That'd be impossible. Everyone thinks you're perfect."

"Except for you." His voice was closer than before and I heard it coming towards me. He sat down next to me, leaning against the door with his thigh barely touching mine.

"I'm not easily impressed."

"What can I do to impress you?" After a long moment of silence I finally came up with an answer.

"Tell me the truth. Did you cheat on Rose like everyone is saying you did?"

"Does it even matter? You probably wouldn't even believe me if I said I didn't."

"I would. You've been strangely honest; I doubt you would start lying now."

"No, I didn't."

"I believe you. Why did she think you cheated on her?"

"Rose and I were never meant for each other. That relationship got boring awfully fast."

"Is that why you go through so many girls? You get bored."

"I haven't found the right girl to challenge me. But now you're starting to make me wonder."

"I'm not going to flirt with you. I'm not like those other girls."

"Those other girls bore me."

"Good because that's what you deserve."

"How about just for tonight you let me change your mind."

"You won't be able to change my mind."

"I like your stubbornness but let's be honest, give me an hour and I'll have you thinking differently."

"What makes you think that?" I asked towards his direction.

"Because usually when you're in a room with someone you hate you want them as far away from you as possible. And here we are."

"I never said I hated you."

"If I remember your exact words were "you disgust me."

"Maybe your actions disgust me. It seems like deep down they disgust you too."

After about another hour of light banter and a few jokes, the waiting for someone to come was feeling hopeless.

"Would you rather be missing finger or have an extra toe?"

"How do you come up with these?" I laughed while thinking over my answer. "Extra toe. Say goodbye to flip flops forever."

"Okay, your turn."

"Would you rather go to a nude beach or-"

"You so want to see me naked."

"That's not what I was getting at, I swear!"

"Just admit it; you want my body."

"Yea, that it," I said sarcastically while shoving his shoulder. "Now as I was saying would you rather go to-"

"We should make out."

"Excuse me?"

"We've been sitting here for two hours now. Why don't we do something more fun than would you rather to pass the time? I bet you'd like it."

"I'd rather eat dirt."

"There's something about your obvious dislike for that turns me on."

"You just want what you can't have."

"Maybe that's it… or maybe I just like your strong personality. It's sexy."

"Nothing will ever happen between us." I whispered. Even though I couldn't see him, I could feel that he was still close to me.

"You probably couldn't keep up with me anyways. It's a good thing nothing will ever happen between us."

"Was that a challenge?"

"No just a true statement. I bet there is nothing you could do that could surprise me."

"Good, I don't want to be surprising you."

"Yes you do. All girls want is to make a guy think there's something special about them."

"I don't want you thinking anything about me."

"That's a lie. You probably want me to like you the way I act like I like all those other girls."

"I would hate for you to treat me like those girls."

"Fine then, give me one kiss to prove it to me that you won't like it."

"No way in hell." I spat at him.

"What, are you scared you will?" He was taunting me and I was beginning to feel out of control. "Go ahead, surprise me."

Without thinking of my actions I felt my way through the darkness and somehow landed my lips onto his. He instantly kissed me back, clearly expecting me to fall right into his trap. I immediately stopped kissing him when I felt his tongue sweep across my lower lip.

"See, that was gross. I hated it." I lied while dramatically whipping off my mouth. Even though he couldn't see it, I felt like I made my point.

"You taste like cherries," he whispered. His cocky and antagonizing tone was no longer present. "We should do that again."

"That was a one time thing."

"Why not, this could be our moment." His words immediately put the wall up that he somehow kicked down during the last few hours. He did not get to mention those words.

"We need to find our way out of here," I said almost robotically.

"I don't think being trapped in here is that bad anymore."

"I need to get out of here," and away from you; before I do something even more stupid. "What room are we in?" I asked while standing up. After sitting for so long I had to get used to standing again.

"We're in my room."

"Really?" I asked somewhat shocked. I ran over to the window, flying it open. The moon was barely visible, which made for little natural light. I looked over through the tree branched to see a light on in room.

"Maybe we can get my neighbors attention." I jumped a little when Damon was suddenly right behind me. "She's always in her room."

"Do you spy on her?" I laughed a little at the irony of this.

"It's hard not to notice someone who lives in a glass bubble right next to you."

"That's creepy." I said while jumping up onto the frame of the window.

"What are you doing?" He asked as I grabbed a hold of the tree branch.

"Escaping." I climbed fully onto the branch outside the window.

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"Trust me, after doing years of gymnastics and cheerleading, I'm fully capable of getting down this tree." There were a few other branches that were easy to climb down but they ended about ten feet from the ground.

"Be careful." I crouched down and slightly hung from the last branch before dropping and hitting the ground. I landed on my feet and could feel the impact on my ankles. "You okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine. I'll call for someone to get you," I yelled up towards him. I could barely see his silhouette leaning out the window.

"Wait!" He yelled as I turned away from him. "You never told me who you are!"

"It's better this way Damon. You and I can pretend like tonight never happened."

"I don't want that."

"I'm sorry," I said before turning around and running off into darkness, doing everything I could to not listen to his pleas to come back.

Tonight was going to have to be forgotten.

_**AN: Thanks for reading! What'd you think?:)**_


	2. You got closer than I thought you did

_**I think that Damon is an exceptionally lonely individual and I think that we all experience loneliness at times.**_

_**-Ian Somerhalder**_

The sun came up too soon and before I knew it, it was Monday morning. I laid in bed for a few minutes contemplating just sleeping in and skipping school for the day. I probably would have done it if I didn't have Jeremy around to say that since I could do it so could he.

I spent the weekend avoiding Jeremy as well as the outside world. That meant I spent the whole time writing in my journal; I swear it's the size of a full length novel now. There were so many questions I wanted answers to; even though I knew I would never ask them, these questions were plaguing my mind.

Why was Damon so different with me?

Has he figured out who I am yet?

What's going to happen at school?

Not a lot seems to scare me anymore but now I can honestly say that fear is an emotion, that at this moment, I could fully experience again. If Damon found out it was me, he'd be embarrassed and regret it. No matter what he said about his popularity, for some odd reason, it mattered to him. To be honest, I was the last person to help boost someone's popularity. Before it wouldn't have mattered, I know that, but now there would only be whispers. It's going to be a disaster.

The effort to pull myself together and put on a happy face for the world today was going to be more difficult than usual and there was less possibility that I may fool anyone into believing that I thought it was going to be a great day.

Somehow with all these thoughts running through my mind, I forced myself to get up. Outside my warm cocoon of blankets there was a fresh morning breeze that instantly made me shiver. I quickly went over to the window to shut it but stopped dead in my tracks.

There he was, just pacing his room. He had a flustered look on his face and if I wasn't mistaken he was talking to himself. He knew. He had to. He was probably thinking he was an idiot right now and that he was stupid for thinking we could be friends again. He must be rehearsing his "so this is awkward…let's forget the other night" speech right now.

If you told a me a week ago that I'd be nervous of what Damon thought of me, I would say there is no possible way I am going to fear his opinion and he doesn't get that power over me. Why should that change now?

I gulped; releasing it won't ever be the same. I just had to get used to it the way I had adapted to most things in my life.

There was no way around it; today was going to suck.

* * *

"I just don't think it's a good idea," I said warily while scanning the items in Caroline's hands.

"I think… you're an idiot." She shoved the freshly dry cleaned cheerleading uniform into my arms and wouldn't budge as I tried to thrust them back. "I've decided that you're not in any place to be making these big decisions, which is understandable. I've done my research."

"Not this again."

"They say not to make any big decision the first year."

"I didn't think cheerleading was that big of a decision."

"It's the biggest decision you could make," she exclaimed. "You don't just give up on the things you love, and your friends definitely don't sit back and watch it. I already let you take this too far."

"Caroline, I don't even know what I love or don't anymore," I told her as I shut my locker.

"That's exactly why I need to be the voice of reasoning. Sometimes I feel like you don't even listen to me anymore."

I wasn't listening to her anymore. It was as if suddenly the hallway had grown silent and everyone disappeared as Damon walked through the glass school door. The school could have started on fire and I wouldn't have noticed; the only thing I could pay attention to was the fact that Damon was walking my way and his gaze was set on me.

"Caroline, uh, I have to get something out of my locker." Cutting her off in the middle of her rant, I quickly turned around and started walking towards the other hallway. Some may say this walk was more of a desperate run but I didn't care if it looked like I was running away; because I was. The tiny bit of confidence I had earlier on had vanished now and my desperation to hold onto my dignity was more prominent than before.

"Elena! Wait up," I turn briefly to see Caroline attempting to catch up. "I'm not done talking with you."

"What now?"

"I'm taking you to go sign up for the pageant after school."

"I have to talk with Mr. Saltzman about Jeremy" I told her as I reached my locker. "I'm not doing this pageant, Caroline." My frustration with this subject was becoming overwhelming. She wouldn't just let this go.

"What am I supposed to do Elena?"

"Let me live my own life, I'm so sick and tired of your input on everything I do. I don't want it!" I said with a little too much force. She only frowned at me while shaking her head.

"You know what, do whatever you want. Go home and sit in your little cave while the world passes you by."

The guilt set in almost immediately and if she wasn't already gone, I would have taken my words back.

"There you go again Elena, pushing people away again," I said to myself.

"That was harsh," I heard a slick voice come from behind me. When I looked around to see who was talking, I nearly fell over.

When the hell did he get here?

Words seemed to fail me as my heart sped up. Suddenly, tension filled the hallway and I could barely breathe. Damon was leaning on my locker next to mine. Damon just talked to me. Damon must know.

Blocking out the chatter around the busy hallway I pretend to be busy as I fumbled with the books in my locker, desperate for some sort of distraction.

"Do you need something?" I asked after he just stood there, his eyes never stopped following my every move.

"Yes Elena, I need to talk to you."

I did my best to hold back my immediate sarcastic remark about how we were talking now but apparently my brain couldn't hold back all the sarcasm I had to offer him.

"Oh my god," I turned around to face his direction once again and suddenly my nerves were replaced with the one thing I could easily focus on when it came to him; my anger. "So you do remember my name?"

"I'm being serious. It's important."

"I'm not very interested."

"Come on, just five minutes."

"Class is starting." I turned away from him the moment the bell rang.

"Wait," He called after me as I started heading towards my history class. "I don't know what I did to you for you to hate me, but I really need your help. "

"You don't know what you did?" His words only fueled my fire. "Are you kidding me? Just think about it and maybe you'll find the answer."

The whole way to the Mr. Saltzman's classroom I felt his eyes burning into the back of my head.

* * *

I stared out into the sea of people flooding the cafeteria

The next few classes went as slow as I imagined they would and when lunch finally came around, I was highly contemplating skipping the rest of the day.

I started heading towards the table I usually sat at with Caroline and most of the cheerleading squad but decided to sit at a table by myself near the window. Fighting with Caroline again will only turn my headache into a migraine.

I sat down and started fiddling with the brown paper bag in front of me only to have the familiar feeling of eyes on me appear again. I was getting used to the feeling. After the accident I had it at most times but now, it was just one pair of eyes that wouldn't leave me alone.

My every move was being watched and I hated it. Why did he want to talk to me anyway? I gave him an out why couldn't he just take it?

I looked up to see that I wasn't wrong. Damon had walked in with his friends and as they all scattered out into the cafeteria he didn't move from the spot he stopped at when he noticed me.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked as he walked towards me.

Yes.

I chose not to respond, hoping he'd take my silence as indication I didn't want to speak with him. Things were already awkward enough; did we really have to discuss it?

"I have no one else to sit with"

"Damon, you can sit over here!" Tyler called out across the room.

"Shut it, Lockwood," Damon hissed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help a small laugh from escaping.

"Fine," I said gesturing to the seat across from me.

Maybe if we got this over and he realized I didn't expect anything to come from what happened, he would leave me alone.

"I have a problem and you're the only person who I think could help me."

"You… need my help?" I repeated dumfounded. This is definitely not the conversation I had imagined.

"I met this girl on Saturday."

"You met a girl," I repeated his words once again. Suddenly realization hit me; he had no idea. He didn't know about Friday night. "What do I have anything to do with this?"

"I'm sure you know about the party at my house."

"The whole block knew about your party."

"How do I put this without offending you? I –uh-"

"No matter what you say I'm going to be offended now," I told him as he searched for the right words.

"I know you weren't at the party because that's not your thing anymore."

"What are you getting at Damon?"

"There was this girl and I don't know who she is, but she's perfect. I need to find her."

"What do you mean you don't know who she is?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening. Was he playing some sick joke on me? Was he trying to humiliate me even more?

"It was dark but… we connected. We talked, talked like two normal human beings with not so normal problems. That's doesn't happen everyday."

"And why didn't you find out who she was?"

"She didn't want me to know."

"It might be a sign Damon; maybe she just thought it would be better."

"She's wrong."

"I'm sorry but I can't help you. I don't even know how I could help you."

"You could talk around, I'll tell you about her and you help me find her."

"If she doesn't want to know you, then you should respect her wishes," I said as I started to pack up my things. This was getting too much.

"She felt it too. I know she did, it was undeniable."

"Maybe you should accept that not every girl wants to be with you Damon." I quickly stood up from the table, knowing that there was no way I could sit there anymore.

"Please Elena, you're the only girl I know who isn't her and wouldn't take advantage of this situation. I need you."

"Yea, well sometimes the people we need aren't always there for us."

* * *

The rest of the day went by faster than predicted and I hadn't seen Damon or Caroline again. Along with them, I hadn't seen Jeremy in the hallways at all either.

I made my way to Mr. Saltzman room, already having the sinking feeling that Jeremy had let him down.

"Mr. Saltzman." I called when I saw him walking down the hallway towards me. "I was just coming to see you."

"What can I do for you?"

"About Jeremy… have you been able to look at the report yet?"

"Jeremy didn't even show up for class today," He said with a sigh, showing his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Elena."

"I tried," I told him. "I'm sorry too. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Just be patient.

"I don't even know anymore. I try so hard but I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to him."

"It's probably time for him to make his own decisions."

"But he's not making the right ones."

"Sometimes the people around us need to learn from their mistakes and we can't always try to save them from themselves. He'll come around. And when he does, I'll be waiting for his report."

* * *

Rushing home, I opened the front door and immediately searched for any sign that he was there.

Jeremy!" I yelled up the stairs.

"What?" I heard him groan.

"If you are seriously sleeping I'm going to kill you."

"What's wrong with you?" Rubbing his eyes, he appeared at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong with me? Please tell me you are joking. Did you even get out of bed today?"

"I'm tired. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate if I went."

"I can not even begin to tell you how mortified I am right now. I promised you would write that report! You couldn't even do that. People have been going out of their way to help you and all you do is spit in their face!"

"Oh god, are we seriously going to do this again?" He moaned while running a hand through his messy hair.

"Aren't you not the slightest bit embarrassed with yourself? I am. I am so embarrassed for you."

"Why don't we cut the bullshit? You're not embarrassed for me, your embarrassed of me."

"Can you blame me? Don't you see how wrong the way you're acting is?"

"Come to me when you start caring about your life again. Maybe you won't sound like such a hypocrite then." He started heading back towards his room, completely ignoring me.

"We're not done here!"

"I think we are," He said and shortly after I heard his door slam.

Gripping the door handle of the house even tighter than I was before; I went back out on the porch, letting out a long and overdue frustrated scream.

"I'm being a hypocrite?" I asked myself. "I'm not being a hypocrite; he's just too stubborn to admit that he's not in a good place!"

"Do you always talk to yourself?" I heard a male voice behind me and I quickly spun around towards it.

"You again?" I nearly yelled towards Damon's direction and I saw him visibly jump back at my sudden outburst. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Wow, you're feisty."

"And clearly not in the mood," I started pacing the porch, trying to walk my anger off.

"I know what would help."

"I don't think you do."

"I think you need to get your mind off of everything. I have just the thing that will keep you occupied"

"I will throw my shoe at you."

"Just think about it," He told me. "I would owe you big time."

"Tell me this Damon, what if she wasn't attractive. What if she was one of the girls who spent their weekends at the library? Or the girl who sings in the church choir? What if she wasn't even a girl at all?"

"She was a girl and the only thing that matters to me is finding her. All I've had in my life are these relationships I had that are built on some superficial rule that I have to be interested in a certain type of girl because that's the way things are supposed to be. That I can't make up my own mind and be interested in the girl who spends her weekends at the library."

"What is so special about her anyways?" My anger was slowly fading.

"She's different."

"Is that really true?" I remembered him that night and how lonely he sounded. This wasn't fair. He was never going to find out who the girl was and all I would be doing is getting his hopes up.

"All I want is to find her."

"I'll think about," I said, not being able to reject him after that.

* * *

Was this really an option to think over? Could I actually pretend to help look for this girl who doesn't exist… sort of. No matter how much I didn't like him, it wasn't fair and no one deserved to be led on like that.

But there was still no way in hell I was going to admit it was me that night. No, I'd rather jump into the river during winter than do that. And plus, I had more problems to worry about. I had practically gotten into a fight with every person I had come into contact with today.

Maybe it wasn't all them, maybe I was doing something wrong.

Was I being a hypocrite?

Was I being a bad friend to Caroline?

I knew the answers to these were neither yes nor no but I couldn't help but believe it was only me who need to be fixing them. I had some improvements to be making.

Jeremy was right, I did stop caring. That is one thing I'll never deny, but it wasn't the same thing as him. I'm not throwing away my life; I'm just… taking a break from it.

The pamphlet that still rested on top of the waste basket in my room seemed to be haunting me. Every time I looked in a direction there it was. Either reflecting in a mirror or window, it was in my sight.

Walking over to the waste basket, I picked the pamphlet up, eyeing it over once again. I knew this was probably the one thing that would help all my problems. Jeremy couldn't use it against me anymore, Caroline will be more than ecstatic and just like Damon said; it would keep me busy.

Damon…

I looked out the window that was next to his house and slowly walked over towards it. All I could see were his legs and I could tell that he was sprawled out across his bed. I slid the window up and finally decided to get his attention.

"Damon," I yelled out the window, hoping it would somehow reach him. After a few more tries I saw him finally move and come towards the window.

"What are we eight again?" He said out the window, refereeing to the many times we found ourselves in this same position at a much younger age.

"Did those dance lessons your mom used to give you and Stefan do any good?"

"I know a thing or two."

"I'll agree to help you under one condition."

"What's that?"

"I need an escort to the Miss Mystic Falls pageant."

"I think I could manage that," he said with a bright smile that seemed to hypnotize me for a moment.

"We get each others full and undivided attention until after the pageant. Deal?"

"Deal."

_**AN: Thanks everyone for reading! It means the world to me. **_

_**Review! **_


	3. Somehow today was better than yesterday

_It's like he knew that I am fragile  
He handled me like glass  
And knowing this I know that he'll get his  
But I don't want the man to suffer  
Not the way I am  
'Cause deep down I know that he's glass too_

_-Gavin Degraw_

Who knew that one piece of paper could have so much meaning and somehow have the power to thwart any sort of confidence I had in this situation. The last thing I wanted to do was be a let down and putting myself out there like this gave me every chance of making a huge mistake and not living up to my mother's expectations.

There were only four other names on the list so far but I knew by the end of the week there would be at the most eight names total. That was about the number of Founding Family's with teenage daughters.

With a shaky hand, I brought my pen up to the sign up sheet but I failed to make any movement in signing my name. I stared at the paper hanging up with what seemed like hundreds of other flyers for a few more seconds before my hand slowly fell back against my side. Without even having a chance to blink someone grabbed a hold of my hand and slammed it up against the bulletin board on the wall.

"You are going to sign this."

"I changed my mind," I said as I struggled to free my hand from Damon's strong grasp.

"You do not get to change your mind anymore. We have a deal."

"Fine, I'll sign it but you're going to have to let go." I stopped struggling and finally his iron tight grip let go of my hand. The moment he let me free I attempted to make my escape and made it only a foot away before his hands were wrapped around my hips and pulling me back towards the board.

"You're so predictable."

"Let me go!" I squirmed against him for a few seconds with zero luck before I gave up. I should have known the moment I struck a deal with him there was no going back.

"There is no possible way I'm letting you get out of this so you might as well just give up; your struggling is useless."

Grabbing the pen from my hand, while still holding me back, he signed my name for me and added his as the escort. I continued to frown at the paper and out of the corner of my eye I could see the proud smirk on his face.

"You can stop touching me now," I told him when I still felt hand holding me still.

"Why? Are you getting all tingly inside?"

"Not even the slightest." I shook him off me easily this time and made my way down the school hallway, heading towards the courtyard outside.

"Where are you going? We have plotting to do."

"Plotting? How about we make up some rules first?"

"I hate rules. In fact, I don't even know what they are and I already want to break them."

"Well Damon, if you really want my help you will follow my rules I have," I said while swinging the school doors open, not bothering to hold it for him behind me.

"Fine, but that goes for you too." I stopped dead in my tracks and spun around quickly to face him.

"Me? I'm doing you a favor; you don't get to make rules."

"No, no, no, this goes both ways. I'm doing you a favor too. Do you really think that I want to escort you to some pageant? That's not my style but I'm making sacrifices so you have to too."

"Two seconds ago I wanted to back out but you wouldn't let me!"

"You're the one who came up with this agreement; I was just making sure your cold feet didn't ruin everything."

"You drive me crazy," I mumbled while spinning on my heel and walking away from him. I could hear him following right on my trail but that didn't stop me from walking a little faster than normal.

"Rule number one: no more fighting," he said bedside me and before I could really process the thought, I burst out laughing. The concept was impossible. "Don't get me wrong, I like a good bantering partner but it's not going to help things."

"I will try your impossible rule even though it's bound to be broken but you must follow mine; no more flirting." I had already made up my mind way before I even came to school today that I was going to be optimistic when it came to Damon but he just knew how to get under my skin.

"I don't do it on purpose; it's in my nature!"

"And it's in my nature to rebuff anything that comes out of your mouth."

"Darling, you're about to break the fighting rule."

"Don't call me darling, that's part of the flirting rule. In my mind I've officially friendszoned you."

"Fine, the rules start now." We both glared at each other in frustration. This agreement was going to be harder than we thought. "And let's be honest, I'm so not in the friendzone."

"Rule number three?" I asked after taking a deep breath.

"We both put all effort into it, no matter what."

"Okay, deal." I put my hand out and he carefully shook it, looking at me suspiciously. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're just so hot and cold, I can't get a read on you. I used to be able to know everything you were thinking now I can't even guess."

"It's a mistake to think you know anything about me anymore, Damon."

"So maybe this will change that."

"It seems highly unlikely," I said as I put my bag down on top of a picnic table and sat on top of it as Damon did the same. "So how am I exactly supposed to help you?"

"Today you should start talking around. I know you're friends with all the cheerleaders and she said she was one."

"What do you want me to say? I don't do well under pressure." I desperately tried to think up ways how I was going to fake this.

"She wasn't a huge fan of me. Just trash talk me and see who agrees. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to do that easily."

"This will be fun," I said with a smile.

"I'm sure you will have a ball."

"Why are you so in love with a girl that doesn't even like you?" I asked the question that has been burning in my brain. I didn't mean to make such an impact, it wasn't my intention. I probably made a mistake in hiding my identity because all it did was urge him on more.

"Oh wait a second; I did not say I was in love with her. I don't do love." A challenge: That's all this was to him. In his eyes I was probably some big prize to him like the one at carnivals; everyone wants one of those big stuff animals but we all know the moment it gets home it will go years without being touched and eventually thrown away.

"Then what is the point of all this?"

"Love is a useless emotion that only ends up hurting people. I promised myself long ago I would never fall in love but that doesn't mean I can't take interest in a girl."

Images of a thirteen year old Damon screaming at his mother from his front yard flashed through my head. Her suitcase was packed and she didn't flinch at the horrible names Damon was calling her as she continued to put her bags in the car and drive away without ever looking back on the family she left.

Clearly love wasn't associated with happiness in his mind.

"I'll go to the practice during lunch. I need to talk to Caroline and I'm sure she would be ecstatic if I came."

"Why don't you just get back on the squad?"

"I may have succumbed to the pageant but I don't think I'll ever be a cheerleader again."

"Don't you miss it?"

"I miss being good at something and being able to count on the fact that it was one thing I could do right. I don't miss the attention though and if you haven't noticed I'm not as cheerful as I used to be. I think it's just best to stop trying to be the person I once was."

"That's okay you know; to accept who you are now. It doesn't mean you've failed."

"Then why does it feel like that? I so badly want to be ecstatic about this pageant but I just can't."

"I think you just need to start laughing again."

"What?" I asked, taken off guard.

"What I mean is it would be a lot easier to enjoy life if you started laughing and smiling again, even if it's fake at first."

"You just have an answer to everything, don't you?"

"It's part of my charm."

"I don't know why any girl in their right mind would find you charming."

"I think you secretly do, you're just too stubborn to admit it."

"Yea well you continue to think that," I stood up the picnic table, grabbing my things.

"I'll see you after lunch then, so you can give me the details."

"Sure, whatever," I waived him off, turning my back on him, I finally freaked out. There was no way I was going to pull this off. I couldn't fake this. It was way too elaborate. I was going to mess up and all I keep doing is digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole of lies.

There was no going back now.

* * *

When lunch finally came around I made my way over to the football field. I was already dreading it and it didn't help that I could feel Damon's eyes on me from the moment I left the locker room.

I watched as the girls all were in sync with each other with a new cheer I had no idea how to do.

"There's no way I'm going to be able to do all this," I mumbled to myself.

"You're telling me, I can't get my leg that high in the air." I turned slightly to see the new girl Katherine watching them with a worried expression. "You're Elena right?"

"Yep."

"I thought you weren't on the team anymore."

"I'm not. Caroline is just always begging me to come help but I don't think there's anything I can really do for them now."

"Elena?" My attention was pulled away from Katherine to a shocked Caroline.

"Tell me my eyes are not deceiving me!"

"Don't get too excited Caroline," I told her as she skipped over to us. "I'm just here to help, even though I have no idea how I would be any help."

"Oh my god, Elena you are such a life saver! Someone needs to teach Katherine the old routines. Can you get her started?"

"Yea, I guess," I said while glancing at Katherine.

"Salvatore keeps staring at you," Katherine whispered in my ear when Caroline bounced away.

"Who?" I scanned the football field, even though I knew exactly how she was talking about.

"Damon. Every time I look in his direction he's staring you down." My eyes finally landed on Damon who was leaning on the stands with some of his friends. He urgently nodded towards Katherine and mouthed something I couldn't make out.

"I don't think it's me he's staring at. He's already told me he thinks you're hot."

"Well of course he thinks that," she said with a cocky smirk. "I met his brother today. God, they're both hot."

"I wouldn't tell Damon that. His ego is already the size of Russia."

We both began stretching but I couldn't stop letting my gaze flicker over to Damon. He was putting huge amounts of pressure on me.

"Would you ever… I don't know, date Damon?"

"Honey, I don't date; and if you asked me, neither does that boy. I've heard about his reputation. I'd defiantly hook up with him though."

"Huh," I mumbled thinking it over. Could I pass Katherine off as being me that night?

I glanced at her and watched as she bent her body in ways I could do only a few months ago. In that moment I decided he was never going to believe he found the girl from that night. There was something sacred about it to me and I wasn't going to let some girl like Katherine take it from me.

"Why? Are you trying to hook us up?"

"No, no, no, " I rushed out a little too fast as I bent down and touched my toes.

"I don't really think it's me he's into right now."

"Why would say that?" Even girls were into Katherine.

"Because it's not my ass he's checking out right now?"

I immediately shot straight up and turned towards Damon to catch him awkwardly glancing in the other direction. I burst into laughter just thinking about all the ways I could use that against him later.

* * *

It wasn't until my last class of the day that I finally was able to speak to Damon again. There was only a few minutes left of the class and I was about to pack up my things before I saw him quietly slipping through the open door, going undetected by Mrs. Morgan who was writing notes up on the board.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as he sat down in the empty desk besides me in the back.

"I couldn't wait anymore. Tell me, was it Katherine, is she the girl?"

"I don't think so."

"Why? I thought for sure it was her?"

"Really? Why?" How could he possibly mistake her for me!

"Because the she said she wasn't her." I gave him a confused look so he elaborated. "Obviously if she didn't want me knowing who she is, she's going to deny that it's her. Plus Katherine's hot. I mean _really _hot."

"Everyone thinks she's so hot," I said while rolling my eyes.

"Why are you complaining, you two could practically be sisters."

"Does that mean you think I'm hot?"

"I thought we already established that."

"Rule number two Damon."

"This is not flirting. Does someone need to give you the definition on flirting?"

"Would you talk to Stefan like this?"

"Stefan's not a hot female!" Without knowing it, we had caused most of the attention from the class to be put on us. I heard someone snicker slightly and we both slowly looked up to see most of the class turned towards our direction.

"Damon Salvatore, this is English for juniors, I think you're in the wrong class." Damon and I both jumped at the sound of Mrs. Morgan's voice. She was peering at us through her oversized glasses and did not look pleased.

"You're telling me this is not Calculus?" He slammed his hands down on the desk in pretend shock.

"Meet me at my locker after class," I whispered as he slid out of the desk and made his way to the front of the class.

"I should really pay more attention to rooms I go into," he shrugged towards Mrs. Morgan as he made his way to the door.

"Damon, you come back here!" She yelled after him as he slid out door. The whole class erupted into laughter as her voice cut off from the bell.

I quickly rushed into the group of people trying to leave the room at the same time so she couldn't get a hold of me either.

"Do you really have to make everything so dramatic?" I asked when I felt Damon's presence beside me as I walked down the hallway towards my locker.

"Yes. Now I was thinking you should come over and we should map it all out and figure our plan of attack."

"So I take it you're not so upset about Katherine not being the girl."

"I don't know if it's possible, but I think I can move on from Katherine."

"Whatever. Oh by the way, you're coming dress shopping with me. I haven't told anyone yet that I signed up for the pageant so you're just going to have to deal."

"Why do you do these things to me?" He whined when we reached my locker. "What this?"

"What's what?" I asked as I looked up from my lock to see Damon ripping a piece of paper off the locker.

"_I watch you and I can barely take it. When you smile my heart stops and I don't know if I'll make it. If we were together it would be bliss. I love you so much, it's not something you can miss_," he recited dramatically somehow keeping his face serious. I giggled a little but tried to hold back the laughter that was beginning to escape. "What the hell did I just read?"

"Is this some joke? Did you write this?"

"Do you really think, I could come up with something that creepy?'

"Let me see that?" I grabbed the paper out of his hand and read over the words he just spoke.

"I think you have a secret admirer."

"Who would do this? Are you sure it was on my locker?"

"Is that Donovan kid still obsessed with you?"

"He gave that up about a month ago," I answered slowly; surprised about how much he's actually noticed over the years when I thought I was invisible to him.

I read over the note again, still shocked over the fact it existed.

"You have a stalker," Damon said casually, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Stop trying to freak me out. Someone put their heart into this poem, they didn't mean for it to come off so…okay so maybe it's a bit weird."

"Hey, Jeremy! Tell your sister she has a stalker," I turned in the direction Damon yelled to see Jeremy walking towards us.

"What's he talking about?" Jeremy asked while leaning against the lockers next to mine.

"Read this." Damon ripped the poem out of my hand and gave it him.

"Yea," he mumbled after a few seconds, "This is not normal."

"Give that back," I grabbed the note and stuffed it in my locker, hoping both of them would just let it go. For some reason I felt like I had to defend the letter. "You two are such men; clearly the guy who wrote this is has a soft heart and you two are just manipulating his words."

"It's a chick."

"Agreed," Damon said after Jeremy.

"Okay, we are done discussing this, you keep making it worse. Can you both just give me one thing to enjoy? I quite like the fact someone finds me interesting."

"This person is definitely delusional."

"Shut up, Jeremy!" I smacked the side of his arm as hard as I could and it suddenly dawned on me that this was the first time we've been able to talk to each other without fighting.

"So, since when do you two talk to each other again?"

"Damon and I are going dress shopping. I was thinking pink. What do you think Jeremy, will Damon look good in pink?" I laughed at my own joke while I received stunned looks from the both of them. "What? You guys act like I can't make a joke anymore."

"Why would you be going dress shopping with him?"

"Well um…Damon's going to be my escort for the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant."

For the first time in months, I finally saw my brother smile.

_**AN: Sorry it took a few weeks. Things are kind of hectic right now. Since its summer I'll be getting a little bit more free time to update more often. Tell me what you think and review! **_


	4. I'm losing to the ghosts inside my head

**_I think it's love that gets us through all of our goodbyes.  
__-Gin Wigmore_**

I leaned against my car as I waited for Damon to meet me here. The wind began to pick up which made me shiver and wrap my sweater tighter around myself. I was severely regretting the decision to wear shorts today. I've been waiting for nearly fifteen minutes without a clue what was taking him so long.

_Did he ditch me? Is he bored of me already?_ My constant nagging thoughts wouldn't leave the thought alone. It's not like he had a great track record for disappointing and leaving me hanging without an explanation, so my thoughts weren't completely out there. The thing puzzled me most was why would I even care if he did. I shouldn't.

Any doubts I had were proven to be wrong when I saw him push through the school doors leading out to the parking lot. It was almost comical to watch him stride out the building with watchful eyes noticing his every move. If this were a movie it would definitely have been in slow motion.

"Does every moment of your life have to be so dramatic?" I asked when he finally reached my car and slowly slipped off his sun glasses. His piercing blue eyes met mine and I almost stumbled back a bit. God, those eyes could make a girl melt.

"We are taking my car," was his only response.

"No, I've seen how fast you drive and I would like to survive." I got into the car before he could respond, doing my best to recover from the odd moment I just had.

"Get in!" I yelled out the window when all he did was stand next to the car door.

"Fine," he mumbled, only hesitating slightly as he climbed in.

"Wow, I thought I was going to have to fight you harder on this one."

"Just drive."

"Don't tell me what to do," I said in an equally snappy tone before flashing him a smile. "What took you so long?"

"Mrs. Morgan found me. I have detention tomorrow."

I laughed at him as I pulled out of the school parking lot. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a small smile playing at his lips as he watched me. I decided not to comment on it.

"What are you laughing about? This is your fault."

"My fault?" I gasped. "You just couldn't wait, literately, five minutes to see me."

"I needed to know the details and you didn't come find me after your little practice."

"I didn't know I had to report to you immediately Mr. Salvatore. I'm sorry your detention isn't worth it, because it definitely was not Katherine that night."

"What makes you so sure it's not her?" I glanced in his direction to still see the hope in his eyes. He really wanted it to be her. That was just another reason to keep my secret. There was no comparison between Katherine and me. If that's the girl he wants, well, it's never going to be me.

"She told me she doesn't date but she finds you…attractive," I said hesitantly, realizing it sounded like it caused me pain to say the words. "So if you really want to hop on that train, I guess you can." I had to look away once I saw he was actually thinking over the option.

_What about me?_

I nearly swerved off the road when I processed that thought. I should _never_ be thinking that. Where did it even come from?

"Are you okay? You seem tense." He nodded towards my hands that were squeezing the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were turning white.

"Yea, I'm fine," I said as I loosened my grip. Okay, so maybe I liked the attention even though it wasn't exactly centered on me. That's reasonable. I mean, any girl who hasn't had any positive attention in long time would welcome it, right?

Yes, right.

"We should figure out who's writing you love letters."

"It was only one letter and I'm still not entirely convinced it was for me," I said while rolling my eyes as I turned onto a side street.

"Why do you find it so hard believe someone could fancy you; as creepy as it is?"

"Fancy me?" I laughed at his choice of words. "Anyone who thinks they _fancy_ me is out of their minds."

"Most girls would be extremely giddy about that pathetic excuse of a love letter. They all want someone to take care of them and protect them,"

"I'm not most girls. They're all depending on someone to come in and sweep them off their feet."

"And you don't want that?"

"We're a lot alike Damon," I looked in his direction to see him deep in thought.

"So you don't ever want to be in love?"

"No, the idea doesn't sound appealing to me."

"Why not?"

"Because people die, Damon," I said a little too harshly, getting fed up with his prying. "That's not something I ever want to go through again," I added softly.

"I get it. People die, people leave; we all have our reasons," he whispered, filling the car with tension.

I opened my mouth to say anything that would lighten the mood but a loud hissing noise coming from my engine stopped me. I flinched in shock and suddenly saw white smoke slowly creeping out under the crevices of the hood of my car.

"Oh my god," I panicked while pulling over. This could not happen to me. If there was anything I didn't need right now, it was to be without a car. My emotions were already heightened after the conversation Damon and I just had, it didn't help that my thoughts instantly flew to how the first person I needed to call was my dad; he'd know what to do.

The thought alone almost killed me as I popped the hood and rushed out of the car. When I got a good look at it, I realized it wasn't smoke but steam that was flowing out.

"Oh, no, no, no," muttering as I opened the hood I frantically looked for something to do that would fix it. The tightness in my chest wasn't going away and it made me more distressed.

"Don't touch-" I blocked Damon out and reached for the radiator cap that the steam was coming from. Before my body could react to the scalding heat, Damon furiously shoved me away from the car.

"Don't you ever listen?" He shouted at me as I clutched my slightly burnt hand. "Do you not know how badly you could've burned yourself?"

"I just-I don't know." I let out a frustrated grunt and ran my good hand through my hair. I resisted the urge to kick my tire but dropped down to the dirty asphalt and leaned my back against my still warm car. Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes and tried to concentrate on anything but the tears that have been on the edge of falling.

"Your radiator is leaking. I told you we should have driven my car." I heard Damon laugh above me. I looked up to watch him look over the car and then pull out his cell phone to start typing something. He glanced down at me and our eyes connected, any trace of humor left his face as he slowly slid down next to me.

"I didn't see you were crying,"

"I didn't know I was." Shocked, I instantly wiped the tears I didn't know had fallen away.

We sat there in silence. He clearly didn't know what to say. I bet most situations he had with girls crying, he was the reason for their tears.

I watched as he stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back against the car as well. Holding onto my burnt hand tightly I rested my arms on top of my knees that I had brought up against my chest.

"My first instinct was that I needed my dad," I said softly, feeling like I owed him an explanation. "There are times when it just hits me. It's like I forget for a moment and suddenly I can breathe again but the second it all comes flooding back in, I'm suddenly being suffocated."

I couldn't find any other words that could rightfully explain it. But when it hit, it hit with full force and there's nothing I can do to stop from toppling over the edge. I was grateful that instead of searching for non-existent words that could somehow take away the pain, he settled with, "How's your hand?"

"It will be fine, hurts a little." Without saying a word, he stood up and disappeared for a quick moment before returning with a water bottle in his hands and resuming his previous place.

"You know, if you would have just listened to me this could have been avoided," he lectured as he unscrewed the cap from the water bottle and grabbed my hand. I resisted the urge to moan at the sudden relief the water gave when it hit my hand. "This should be your lessoned learned."

"What? To always listen to you because you're always right?" I asked with a slight giggle.

"Exactly," he said with a smirk as he poured the rest of the water on my hand. The water made a puddle between us which served as a barrier. "I texted Stefan and he's going to check our house to see if we have any pepper or eggs. That'll clog the leak long enough for you to get your car to a mechanic." I decided not to ask about the pepper or eggs. Clearly he knew more about cars than I did.

"Thank you, for everything. I can be a mess sometimes."

"It's what I do best: coming into the rescue."

"Why do you make this so hard on me?"

"What?"

"Hating you, it used to be a lot easier when we didn't talk." I didn't notice until right now that my burnt hand was still lying in his. I slowly attempted to pull my hand away but his wrapped around mine, keeping it there.

"You don't hate me," he said, like it was obvious. I stared at him for a long moment, trying to decipher if I should actually spell it out for him.

"You're right, I don't, but I should."

"Why?" The look on his face showed that he was annoyed with me. It was tense between us again, which seemed to be becoming a pattern.

"You didn't even come to their funeral." I whispered and suddenly he dropped my hand. "I know that I did something to push you away. I just thought…" I couldn't finish my words and his reaction was confusing when he balled his fists and looked away from me. He was angry.

"Is that really what you've thought? That you did something and that's why I couldn't bring myself to come to their funeral?" He asked, barely showing any emotion anymore. He brought one knee up and rested his forearm on it as he slowly unclenched his fist, his eyes never left the ground.

"What am I supposed to think Damon? We were inseparable and then you just ignored me. You never even gave me a second glance. We were best friends, I cared about you and I thought you cared about me too."

There was silence between is for what felt like several minutes but was probably only a few seconds. He didn't even react to my words. His eyes still rested on the ground near his shoes and I wanted scream at him. Didn't he get it? I had every right to hate him. And I had every right to be mad that he had enough power over me to make hating him impossible.

"It was a Tuesday when I decided I was never going to speak to you again." I swallowed at his words and looked at him in shock. He was really doing this. His hand went up to rub the nape of his neck as he recalled the memory.

"I spent my whole summer just waiting, waiting for my mom to show up. I'd sit on the stairs leading up to our door and just watch. I had some plan in my head that when she finally came, begging for us to take her back, I'd tell her off; tell her how much I fucking hated her for leaving.

"But that day never came and all my time was spent watching the world around me as it went on like nothing had happened. I watched you, and your family. And as the time ticked by my loathing for your flawless life grew and grew. I couldn't look at your perfectly cut grass, your family barbecue's, your stupid swing set in your backyard, without getting so angry. "

"I never knew that's how you felt."

"When your parents died, it tore me up. Don't think for one second that I didn't care. I couldn't look at you afterwards. I couldn't go to their funeral. I was too sick with guilt and I figured… I figured you wouldn't want to see me there anyway."

"I desperately searched for you." His head shot up and for the first time since he started talking, his eyes met mine. His words served as an apology that I was still trying to determine if I accepted. I would never be able to relate to Damon's type of pain. I could only relate to pain itself and its ramifications. And in some form or another, I got it. I understand what it is like to push people away. Hypocritical or not, understanding it and forgiving it are two different things.

"Why?"

"I guess there are still times I find myself needing you," I sighed while looking away, not daring to see his reaction to my words.

Before any other heart filled words and confessions could be made, a red Porsche sped down the street and screeched to a stop in front of us. Boys and their driving... I watched as Stefan, Damon's brother, leapt out of the car and slipped off his ray bans. I took a deep breath. There is definitely something that runs in that family.

"Do you have any cousins?" I asked Damon as I watched Stefan and one of the Mikaelson brothers walk towards us. _What was his name again?_

"No, you already knew that."

"It's a shame," I mumbled while following Damon's lead and got up off the ground.

"I only could find two eggs," Stefan shoved the practically empty egg carton into Damon's hands.

"If you need more my house is right down the road."

"No, it's alright Klaus. This is plenty." Klaus! How could I forget a name like Klaus? All the memories of girl talk about whether or not Stefan and Klaus ever crossed the line of friendship, flooded back into my head. They were _very _close.

"Now I hope you're happy, that was a main ingredient for tonight's dinner," Stefan teased me with a grin.

"Don't listen to him. It's been years since we've actually ever had food in the house let a lone a home cooked meal." Damon slapped Stefan upside the head and shoved him towards my car. I couldn't help but laugh at the familiar sight I used to see on a regular basis.

"So," Klaus muttered when Damon and Stefan left us alone in the street as they fixed my car.

"So…" I repeated.

"Now, don't do an Elena and almost burn your face off," I heard Damon tell Stefan. I immediately turned in their direction, away from Klaus, to scowl at him. He was already smirking at me, knowing I'd hear his comment.

"I'm happy to see you're a cheerleader again," I heard Klaus say. I turned back to him and flashed him a confused look "Oh dear, that sounded disturbing, didn't it?"

I forced a laugh with a slight nod.

"Damon, uh, he told me you're back on the squad," he said awkwardly and his gaze on me faltered. He was intently starring at his shoes now. I didn't know Klaus, but what I could tell from all the Mikaelson's, they were never this awkward, especially not him. _Oh, no, it's not him. It's me. I'm the reason it's uncomfortable._

"I'm not. I'm just helping them out a bit."

"Oh." My mind was screaming at Damon to come save me.

"Alright, the only place you car is to go is home and then straight to a mechanic. Got it?" Damon lectured me while wiping his hand off on a rag that Stefan tossed him.

"Yes sir." I nearly saluted.

"Thanks you guys, for all your help."

"No problem," Klaus was the first to answer.

"Stefan's going to take me back to my car at the school. Are you going to be okay driving home?"

"I'll be fine," I told Damon but my eyes were watching Klaus walk with Stefan back to his car. "Why did you tell Klaus I'm cheerleading again."

"I didn't." He looked at me confused.

"I guess I'll just have to go get my dress a different day," I quickly changed the subject.

"Preferably with Caroline," He added.

* * *

When I got home the house was quiet. I hated the quiet. It gave our house an abandoned feeling which was not welcomed by me. I knew Jeremy was home when I saw his cell phone on the kitchen counter. I immediately put myself to work and began making dinner. It was easy to get my mind off things this way.

I looked out my kitchen window as I poured the sauce I made onto the noodles and started to mix them together. Damon's car was now in the drive way and a light on in the living room could be seen. _I wonder what he's doing._

"Jeremy, dinner is ready."

"Put some in the fridge for me," I saw him come down the stairs and pull a sweatshirt over his head as he went for his phone on the counter.

"You're leaving?" I frowned. "But… but I made you dinner." I glanced down towards the pasta that was already too much for two people and suddenly got depressed over the fact that it would only be for one.

"I'll eat when I get home."

"Don't be out late!" I shouted after him, only to receive a dismissive wave as he went for the door. "I love you," I whispered as the door slammed.

"Well, now what am I going to do?" I asked myself as I stared at the huge bowl of pasta in front of me.

Without thinking over the decision long enough to second guess it, I picked up the bowl and started heading out the door.

"Elena?" Jeremy was still in the driveway when I passed him, walking over the grass towards Damon's yard.

"Have fun," I yelled over my shoulder as I made my way to the front steps of Damon house, still feeling Jeremy's bewildered gaze on me.

My second guessing came the moment my hand reached up to knock on the huge door. My hand stayed there, raised for seconds before I gave in. It was only a few moments before the door opened to a confused Damon.

"Elena?" He used the same baffled town as Jeremy. It feels like that's the only way people say my name anymore.

"You said something about not having a homemade meal in a long time and I thought…. I don't know what I thought." My eyes that were glued to the pasta flickered towards Damon. "Just, ugh, do you want to have dinner with me? It would be a lot better than eating alone… again."

All in that moment it was a silent apology on my part and a sign that I forgave him.

It only took a second before he was ushering me inside.

_**AN: Sorry! My laptop is stupid and I haven't been able to use it. Hopefully I'll be able to find a way to update sooner! Tell me what you think:)**_


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